bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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