I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
