PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize