i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
