yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
