It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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