I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
