And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
