I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
