Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
