Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
