I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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