oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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