WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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