Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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