You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize