Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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