I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize