I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
