Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
