So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
