One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
