alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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