$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
