yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize