yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
