Just cropdusted the office
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
