Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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