What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
