My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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