I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
