I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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