Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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