i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
