Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
