I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
