Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
