isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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