Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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