theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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