Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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