So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
