You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can I color on your dick again?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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