I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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