According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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