Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
