my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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