So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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