hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
