Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
