Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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