kristin has been a bad kristin
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize