thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
