I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
