PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
this is an emotional support booty call
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
