Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize