She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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