someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
