Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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