i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize