I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
