so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
