i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
