Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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