you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
