I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
