I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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