he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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