ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
