I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
either way he was missing a nipple.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
