Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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